Today I learned how to pronounce the following words in Singaporean:

• Udon - “yoo-don”
• Margarita - “mar-GAR-ita”

Which reminded me of several other weird/interesting bits of Singlish vocabulary, grammar and verbal politeness, which I will now relate since most (2/3) of you have no idea what sort of miserable excuses for spoken language get hurled and spat at me every day. Singlish pronunciations:

• Guard - “got”
• Lift - “leaf”
• The letter ‘H’ - “haitch” (discussion by Americans and UKers revealed that despite Singaporeans’ insistence that they sound “western” or that they speak “British English”, they seem to have just made this one the fuck up).
• Train - “chrain”
• Drive - “jrive”
• Engaged - “ENgaged”
• Busy - “beezee”
• East - “eas’ ” (rhymes with “peace”)
• Coast - “coas’ ” (rhymes with “dose”)
• Pork - “poke”
• Park - “pock”

Singlish vocabulary and grammar:

• Carry-out (e.g. restaurant) - “take-away”
• We’re very busy today. Can you come back tomorrow? - “Today very beezee. Come again tomorrow, can?”
• I’m sorry, we’re out of fishball already. “Fishbo’ no more oreddi.” (Notice the lack of a proper translation for “sorry” since Singaporeans don’t actually ever say that).

Things Singaporeans say that are not rude, or at least not as rude as it sounds to Americans:

• Yes sir, what can I get you? - “Yes, what you want?”
• Japanese - “Jap”
• Excuse me - ” ‘scuse”
• Can you please wait in line? - “You must queue.” (“must” is less imperative and more polite than in the States).
• Please wait a second. - “You wait awhile.”

I was rather uncomfortable to realize during a long phone conversation with a group of friends in AZ that I’ve actually begun using several of these words or patterns in my own speech. I so shame, lah.